


My First and Last (Not the Latter, yet)

by Im_hungry



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Breaking Up & Making Up, Fluff and Angst, Heartbreak, Idol Life, Jeno isn't in NCT, Light depression, Mark Lee & Na Jaemin Are Best Friends, SM Entertainment - Freeform, Soft Jaemin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-27 16:00:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20763050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Im_hungry/pseuds/Im_hungry
Summary: "I'll put a spotlight on you so bright, everyone will want to be you."In which Na Jaemin and Lee Jeno are broken up. Or so Jaemin thinks.





	My First and Last (Not the Latter, yet)

One week ago, they were still talking.

They were laughing, kissing, and irrevocably in love with each other.

Now, it’s like they don’t even know the other exists. The blank stares across the room. How he avoided him everywhere. The way his throat clogged up every time he saw him. The fact he wanted to burst into tears every time someone mentioned his name. It wasn’t heartbreak, no, it was a heart attack. 

Jaemin couldn’t breathe.

_ Jaemin picked up his phone, hearing the familiar ringtone. “Annyeonghaseyo?” _

_ “Jaemin, I don’t want you to freak out, but you need to know the truth.” The tone of his best friend’s voice being frantic unlike how he was usually like. _

_ “What do you mean, Mark-ah? Why would I ever freak out right now?” Jaemin laughed, thinking everything Mark said was going to be a joke. _

_ “Check your phone. I texted you an article. If Jeno- if anyone texts you, don’t answer. You need to see it for yourself,” Mark demanded, voice calm and serious as if he was holding back his true emotions. “Gosh, Jamie. I’m so sorry. So so sorry.” His barrier finally cracked, the raw emotion flowing through. _

_ “There’s nothing to be sorry for right now. Are you okay? You can tell me anything,” Jaemin asked while opening the message app on his phone. There’s an article, one from Korea’s Dispatch. Obviously something big has come up, or else Mark would’ve never texted him the article. _

_ He drops his phone, seeing the title.  _

_ Jaemin whispered shakily into the phone. “Tell me this isn’t true. It’s fake, right? This isn’t real? Everything’s fine? They’re mistaken. This could never happen. He would never do this.” When Mark doesn’t reply, Jaemin screams into the phone, mind hazy from sadness and anger. “Mark, tell me! I swear to god, if this is a joke!” _

_ “I’m sorry, Nana. So so sorry. This isn’t fake. We were there. I saw this. I was too afraid to tell you. Too afraid to break you. Too afraid to tell the truth to my best friend. But, it’s real,” Mark said, obvious quavering in his voice.  _

_ Jaemin cried, laying on the bed, Mark long forgotten.  _

_ The picture of Lee Jeno, kissing a girl, still on the floor, displayed on his phone. _

He blinks a few times, shivering from the memory which always comes back to him no matter the situation. His gaze focuses, and he sees Park Jisung looking at him in concern. His bright blue hair contrasting to Jaemin’s minimalist apartment. His babyish face that doesn’t fit his frame, snapping Jaemin back into reality.

“Hyung, you okay? You spaced out again,” Jisung asks, worry laced through his words.

Jaemin nods his head quickly, changing the frown on his face to a small smile. “I’m fine, Jisung. Just thinking about some stuff.” Seeing the disbelief on Jisung’s face, he continues to reassure Jisung. “Seriously, I’m fine. Don’t worry.”

Jisung sighs, rolling his eyes. “I know the truth, Jaemin. There’s no need to hide it from me. It’s devastating, gosh, I didn’t expect it. You two were in love, and I’ve never seen love do stuff like that. I understand that you’re sad.”

“You don’t understand. I thought our relationship was perfect, you know? I was so, so in love with him. Everything he did to me drew me in closer. I fell for him. And, I just thought he felt the same way. It really felt real. He told me he loved me. How he’d do anything for me. That I was his world. He’d never leave me. That’s the problem I guess. Nothing is ever perfect. He just never felt the same way back. Jisung, I’m not going to find anyone like him. No one can ever replace him,” Jaemin says, eyes filled with sadness as he stares out of his apartment.

“I understand that, too. That day, when he carried you off stage after you blacked out, I thought it was true. However, it’s been a week. All you’ve done is stayed inside your apartment, crying, and not answering calls. Please, I can’t bear to see you like this,” Jisung responds, shaking Jaemin’s shoulder to no avail.

Jaemin doesn’t even look at Jisung. “No, I don’t think you understand,” he says, voice faded, giving Jisung the most heart-breaking smile he’s ever seen.

“Jaemin, I’m sorry, but I won’t let this bullshit continue to happen. We’re leaving your apartment. We have a group dinner at six and it’s 5:15. You’re getting dressed, and we’re going. I’ll help put some makeup on to cover your puffy eyes. If you don’t get up from the couch in the next ten seconds, I’ll pull you off of it,” Jisung huffs, already pulling on Jaemin. Jaemin reluctantly gets up, following Jisung.

After twenty minutes, Jisung and Jaemin are reading to go. Jaemin steps out into the sunlight for the first time in days, closing his eyes from the glare of the sun. His eyes hurt, having been adjusted to the dark apartment. He hears a bunch of clicking and yelling, opening his eyes in curiosity. A wave of cameras are pointed at him, all screaming questions at him at once. Jisung notices his discomfort, grabbing him into the van quickly before it zooms off. He takes a few deep breaths, already feeling some panic. Jeno’s name drifted into Jaemin’s ears multiple times, making his eyes feel watery. He doesn’t want to seem weak, taking slow, long breaths. 

“You alright, Nana?” Jisung asks gently, feeling Jaemin’s heartbeat. The crowd has overwhelmed him once again, and Jaemin just wants to cry.

“I’m fine. It was just a surprise. That’s it. I wasn’t expecting all the press, and I wasn’t used to all the sunlight. I didn’t realize everyone in Korea wanted my picture. They already have enough, yet they still need more. I look horrifying, too” Jaemin replies, trying to make his response humorous. Jisung laughs a little, sounding a bit more forced than it should.

“That’s good. I was worried for a second. All the members are dying to see you. Chenle was super worried and stuff. He wanted to visit, but I told him it was best if you were left alone. Prepare for lots of hugs,” Jaemin warns, giving a small wink towards Jaemin. He tries for a weak smile, but it’s obvious he fails when Jisung frowns.

The rest of the ride is awkwardly silent; Jaemin staring at the seat in front of him. He feels emotionless, nothing to smile about, nothing to frown about. He’s just like an empty shell. It’s crazy how his feelings can change so quickly, from euphoria to nothing. He wants to laugh, but he knows a hoarse cough is all that’s coming out. Everything feels dead.

A small tap on Jaemin’s shoulder. 

“Jaemin, we’re here. Just try to put on a smile,” Mark requests as Jaemin attempts for any emotion to come out of his heart. 

* * *

Jaemin was eating his ice cream as he heard the knock on his apartment door. Probably Jisung. He slouches over, knowing the scolding he’s going to get when Jisung sees the ice cream, but Jaemin couldn’t care less. He doesn’t care about anything anymore if he’s really honest. Is this what depression feels like?

He opens the door, already starting to talk. “Jisung, what is it now? I know you’re going to yell at me so get it over with.”

A response. “ _ Angel _ , I would never yell at you. Never at my Nana.” A deep voice booms out, and Jaemin stops in confusion. That’s not Jisung. And only one person. Only one person calls him an angel. Only one person.

Jeno.

Lee fucking Jeno.

A deep inhale. Then anger consumes him. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing here? I told you to stay the fuck away-.”

His breath immediately stops when he feels a pair of lips on his own. Jaemin wants to shout, to push him away, but he can’t. He never can. Jaemin melts into Jeno’s arms in a second; he was defenseless. Jeno kisses him roughly, overpowering him like it’s nothing, kissing the air out of Jaemin. Jaemin hates it. Hates the noises from his throat. Hates how he always wants more. He’s always been weak for Lee fucking Jeno.

Jeno’s lips move south, settling in the crook of his neck, pressing butterfly kisses everywhere on Jaemin’s neck.

“You know, that night, when I was kissing that girl, all I could think of was you. You were so perfect. You always are. I was so in love with you. Still am. You were dressed in that beautiful sweater, and the sweat on your skin was glistening. You looked so beautiful. I could only think about how lucky I was. How lucky I was to be able to kiss you. To love you. And for you to love me back,” Jeno murmurs in between kisses. Jaemin takes in shaky breaths, his mind unable to function. Everything about Jeno is intoxicating. It drives Jaemin off the wall, not being able to even form a sentence around him.

“I don’t understand,” Jaemin responds, the only words that he’s able to produce.

Jeno peppers some more kisses before answering. “Every thought in my brain is about you. All I can think about is you. I know how hard it was for you to see me kissing that girl, but I couldn’t speak for days. I couldn’t leave the dorm for days. I could only think about how I hurt the love of my life. I could only think about the pain I caused to you. Love’s so strange isn’t it? Because of that, I hurt the ones closest to me. I hurt you. I’ll never forgive myself. Why? Because I love you, Na Jaemin. I love everything about you. Every touch, every smile makes me crazy. Makes me love you more. You make me so crazy. I’m  _ so _ in love with you. So, so in love.”

Jaemin can’t think properly, only rewinding the last few words Jeno said.  _ He loves me. Jeno loves me _ . Then and there, he breaks into tears. Big, ugly tears. It’s all too much for him. Too much for poor little Jaemin to handle. Jeno’s hold on him is strong, not letting Jaemin fall to the floor. 

Jeno looks at Jaemin in concern, whispering into his ears. “Nana, are you okay?”

“Bring me to bed, Jeno,” Jaemin whispers into Jeno’s ear, shivering slightly. He can’t resist no more. Jeno and him are like magnets, always attracted to each other. No matter how hard they try to stay away, they’ll always come back again.

“You’re so beautiful.” Jeno’s eyes harden as his mouth forms a smirk. He leans into Jaemin, lips on the corner of Jaemin’s mouth. “Angel, when we’re done, I hope you don’t regret your words. You know I’m not gentle.”

“I could never regret anything I’ve done with you. Break my heart a thousand times, Jeno. Do whatever you’d like cause I’ve finally realized I’m yours. Even when I try not to be weak, I find myself falling at your feet. My heart wants you so bad while my mind knows you’re dangerous. Gosh Jen, I think I love you,” Jaemin says, finally letting down his wall, every word filled with his emotions.

Jeno takes a sharp inhale. “Jamie, say that again. Just say it one more time.”

Jaemin stares straight into Jeno’s eyes. “I love you, Lee Jeno. I love you so much.”

Jeno captures Jaemin’s lips in a fiery kiss, not giving any time for Jaemin breathe. This is how their relationship should be. Carefree and loving. Jeno’s kiss is like the ocean, swallowing him whole. It feels like he’s drowning, drowning in Jeno’s love. Jeno’s so overpowering, making Jaemin feel so small yet so loved.

“You’ll never forget tonight, angel. I’ll treat you like the star you deserve to be from now on. I’ll put a spotlight on you so bright, everyone will want to be you. Everyone will want to be Na Jaemin, but I’ll be the only one you want,” says Jeno, an octave lower than it usually it is, sending goosebumps all over Jaemin. “You’re mine, Nana.”

* * *

Sunlight shines into the room, waking Jaemin from his slumber. Flashes of the night before pass through his head. Jeno’s right, Jaemin will never forget this night. He turns to the side, seeing Jeno wrapped up in the blankets. It’s cute, and when Jaemin starts giggling, Jeno cracks open an eye. 

“Angel, what are you doing up so early?” he asks, clearly still drowsy.

“I want my explanations,” Jaemin replies, still not knowing the whole story behind Jeno’s kiss with that girl. 

Jeno looks at Jaemin in confusion. “About what? Haven’t I explained everything now?” 

“You didn’t explain anything about that night when you kissed that girl. Did you kiss her cause she was pretty? Do you still like her? How can you love me and kiss her? I want my answers, Jeno even though I know you love me, and I love you,” Jaemin questions, bouncing on the bed in anticipation. He wants to know the truth.

“Oh, I guess I do owe you an explanation about that,” Jeno says, straightening up against the headboard. “It goes back to a few weeks before the incident. I told you about a company wanting their idol to date me. Good publicity and all that shit. Obviously, they did not care that we were already in a happy relationship. Of course, I declined, and SM was fine with it. We’re already a good couple for the public. The other company did not like that however. They said we were being stupid for passing up the opportunity even though SM doesn’t really give a shit. I think the girl was from this super popular group, and I keep forgetting who it was because I don’t really care to be frank. Anyway, the other company was super mad and decided to ruin our relationship, so we’d be begging for another chance to date the idol. Besides, they’re so jealous that SM is still more popular. On that night, they hired some girl to spike my drink with drugs, making me unaware of the things I was doing, and so I’d kiss her easily. I thought you were kissing me although you were getting drinks! The public doesn’t know about this, but I’m assuming they will once we press charges.”

Jaemin drops his jaw. “They spiked your drink with drugs. Who does that? I’ve never heard of a company doing that kind of messed up stuff.”

Jeno laughs lightly, ruffling Jaemin’s hair. “I’m sure there’s been lots of covered up offenses that have never reached the public’s ear. This time, the public will know. SM agrees that this is a big offense to us. We’re both under the same company, and they’re disrespecting our opinion. Not to be arrogant, but we are one of SM’s best artists, and for that to happen is a crime. It’s pathetic how they think breaking up our relationship is the best thing to do when we reject them.”

“Jeno, I don’t want their group to suffer though. I’m sure they had nothing to do with it. No group should ever face that kind of news. Will you make sure the groups will be fine? I’d feel horrible if everyone dropped them,” Jaemin admits, eyes wide as he stares at Jeno, pout apparent on his face. He knows Jeno has a weakness.

Jeno sighs, kissing Jaemin quickly before responding. “I can’t promise anything, but I’ll try my best. You’re so precious, Nana. Lee Soo Man will do what he wants, and he’s furious right now. I can try to find a win-win solution, but there aren’t any promises. We wouldn’t have to deal with this if the company wasn’t so stupid. I’m assuming they’re a newer company since they decided to play that dumb move.”

Jaemin fidgets with his fingers, looking down. “Okay, I guess.” His smile brightens, thinking of something happy. “Does that mean we’re dating again? I mean, technically we never broke up, but it was assumed we did. So, are we?”

Jeno slips off the bed, kneeling on one knee while facing Jaemin. “Na Jaemin, my angel, my Nana, my everything, will you do me the greatest honor of being my boyfriend? I promise to love you forever and never let you go. You will be my greatest treasure.”

Jaemin giggles slightly, moving his palms onto Jeno’s cheek, giving him a long kiss. Soon, Jeno’s on top of Jaemin, pressing open-mouthed butterfly kisses all over Jaemin’s neck area. Jaemin’s giggling a lot while Jeno admires his beauty, continuing to kiss him everywhere. It’s like time stops, Jaemin and Jeno just enjoying the moment, with nothing to worry about it.

“What’s your answer, Jamie? Will you date me again?” Jeno asks.

“Of course, I love you so much, Lee Jeno.”

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading  
i hope you enjoyed it  
i got inspiration from other writers  
kudos are appreciated


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